"The most important thing is to find out what is the most important thing"
-Shunryu Suzuki
(Buddhist Koan)
This doesn't really describe how I was feeling yesterday, but is a good example of the paradoxes inherent in buddhism, which I've been thinking alot about lately.
Anyhow, yesterday was a weird day, and it's description might make the importance of the quote more apparent.
I spent most of the day at home yesterday, waiting for a meeting with my other supervisor to gain some direction on my project. I got many things done that I have been putting off. Writing thank you notes, potting new plants, I even made my bed for the first time in ages. Although I had a very productive meeting, I spent most of my day feeling pretty tormented. It's a melodramatic word I know, but that seems to be the best descriptor. I actually think that the reason I felt so crappy is because I got alot of things done. I always expect to feel really relaxed when I have gotten my life squared, but it's usually the opposite. This feeling always comes over me when I spend time alone, especially if I have to make decisions. I manage to whip my mind into something like a tornado or a whirlpool or something that spins and spins but doesn't actually achieve anything other than leaving me in an irritable and anxious state. I have done a little reading and pondering about buddhist ideas in the past, but this apparent inability to manage my mind when I'm not surrounded by people to regulate it has been pushing me to consider a regualr practice routine. I've recently heard someone saying (I think on the CBC Ideas podcast), that considering the amount of time many of us spend exercising our bodies, doesn't it make sense to spend some fraction of that amount of time exercising our minds?
Anyhow, I didn't really start writing here to post all about my internal mushings, (that was supposed to be musings, but the way it turned out seems more apt) as there are definitely better places for that. This sort of annoying wondering will be kept to a minimum in the future.
On a more concrete note, I'm trying to plan an overnight camping trip sometime soon, hopefully this weekend. Not sure how it's going to work considering Trev is taking off with his automobile. I always think it's funny how you often need to own a petroleum-powered machine to enjoy the wilderness.
I have databases to scour now! I'm off to it.
-Shunryu Suzuki
(Buddhist Koan)
This doesn't really describe how I was feeling yesterday, but is a good example of the paradoxes inherent in buddhism, which I've been thinking alot about lately.
Anyhow, yesterday was a weird day, and it's description might make the importance of the quote more apparent.
I spent most of the day at home yesterday, waiting for a meeting with my other supervisor to gain some direction on my project. I got many things done that I have been putting off. Writing thank you notes, potting new plants, I even made my bed for the first time in ages. Although I had a very productive meeting, I spent most of my day feeling pretty tormented. It's a melodramatic word I know, but that seems to be the best descriptor. I actually think that the reason I felt so crappy is because I got alot of things done. I always expect to feel really relaxed when I have gotten my life squared, but it's usually the opposite. This feeling always comes over me when I spend time alone, especially if I have to make decisions. I manage to whip my mind into something like a tornado or a whirlpool or something that spins and spins but doesn't actually achieve anything other than leaving me in an irritable and anxious state. I have done a little reading and pondering about buddhist ideas in the past, but this apparent inability to manage my mind when I'm not surrounded by people to regulate it has been pushing me to consider a regualr practice routine. I've recently heard someone saying (I think on the CBC Ideas podcast), that considering the amount of time many of us spend exercising our bodies, doesn't it make sense to spend some fraction of that amount of time exercising our minds?
Anyhow, I didn't really start writing here to post all about my internal mushings, (that was supposed to be musings, but the way it turned out seems more apt) as there are definitely better places for that. This sort of annoying wondering will be kept to a minimum in the future.
On a more concrete note, I'm trying to plan an overnight camping trip sometime soon, hopefully this weekend. Not sure how it's going to work considering Trev is taking off with his automobile. I always think it's funny how you often need to own a petroleum-powered machine to enjoy the wilderness.
I have databases to scour now! I'm off to it.
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